My Top Ten Films of 2011

Another year, another list to make. But that sentiment, this year, comes devoid of exhaustion. I saw, I believe, nearly 100 films in 2011 and, personally, I had quite a good time at the multiplex. We had our fair share of disappointments, sure. And I would be perfectly content if, next year, we weren't bombarded with sequels, prequels, and comic book adaptations. Also, let's hope for some better animated fare next year; 2011 was kind of a dud on that front. But on the whole, I was impressed by Hollywood (and all the indie filmmakers working outside it). We saw a few more risks in casting - more and more unknowns are moving to the forefront in this post-Hangover world - and some exciting work behind the camera, too. We had strong movies from awesome directors like Allen, Cronenberg, Fincher, Malick, Payne, Scorsese, and Soderbergh. (It'd be nice if that list wasn't all white guys, but there's always next year.) I saw many great films this year, but it wasn't difficult narrowing it down to the ten that I loved, the ones that got inside my head for days or, in one case, made me actually stand up and cheer at the end.

Here they are:

10. CONTAGION

Steven Soberbergh's what-if drama has so much cold, hard science to it, that it almost feels like it was workshopped at NPR. All the central characters -- even the slimy opportunist played by Jude Law -- never abandon logic or sense. Rather, they operate with total trust in leadership and science, both of which work tirelessly to solve the deadly virus that's spreading worldwide. It's refreshing to see a film in which the characters all seem smarter than you and they're lauded for it. The flipside, however, is that such clinical storytelling results in making the "thriller" even more thrilling. Soderbergh's world is our world -- with long, steady, deep-focus shots, he never glamorizes or stylizes it. So when the virus takes out Gwyneth, and then another and another... it feels uncomfortably possible.

9. ATTACK THE BLOCK

I admit: I can be a bit of a rebel. When the fanboy population begins raving about something (particularly on Twitter or elsewhere on the internets), I quickly get skeptical. I've been burned many times before by films that, I felt, had a sheen of hyper-stylized pop culture appeal, but nothing significant underneath. So when I had to witness a full month of "Attack the Block is the best MoVie EveR!" tweets and messages, I made a point to avoid Attack the Block. But, through a coincidence of availability, I found myself at a showing. And what a nice surprise it was.
Attack the Block is a brilliant hybrid movie: it uses elements of sci-fi, horror, thriller, and coming-of-age. As a band of thieving teens fight off an alien invasion in their not-so-posh South London neighborhood, you grow to care about the characters just as much as you care about the clever plot twists and the moments of suspense. But it's also a thinly veiled allegory for the importance of community building and the way a supportive neighborhood can give someone a sense of purpose.

8. THE DESCENDANTS

We need to stop underestimating George Clooney. He's got an iconic mug and bachelor swagger, so we're always surprised by just what a damned fine actor he is. He always manages to hide behind his persona, from the vulnerabilities of Up in the Air to the crackling anger of Michael Clayton. He does it again in The Descendants, which marks the welcome return of filmmaker Alexander Payne. As Matt King, a native Hawaiian with a comatose wife and two rebellious daughters, he's all pain and desperation. When his oldest daughter (the awesome Shailene Woodley) reveals an awful secret, it sets the plot in motion and, in a twisted way, offers Matt a form of enlightenment. Matt finds a way to heal, to bridge generations and to understand his responsibilities as a member in a deeply-rooted family tree.

7. MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE

Hello, third Olsen sister, and welcome to your career! As the title character - all of them - Elizabeth Olsen is a haunted shell. We cut back and forth between her time in a woodsy, Northeastern cult, and her life after escaping, living with her sister and brother-in-law in an expensive lake house. The back-and-forth cutting amplifies Martha's paranoia, but it also creates an eerie bond between her worlds. The mental and sexual abuse in the cult is raw and obvious to a viewer, but the abuse Martha feels from her sister (and from the material world at-large) is much more subtle. The juxtaposition of these worlds is fascinating because, knowing Martha's past, you put every word directed at her -- no matter how seemingly mundane -- in a new context. Martha's worlds come crashing down around her, but we're also left to wonder just how much more she understands about the world than we do.

6. HUGO

Hugo is a former film student's dream. It's a visually stunning masterpiece, especially with the way the 3D creates the airy, open spaces of the Paris train station. It's a sly and engaging story, revealing details and twists in clever turns that, in a few moments, actually made me gasp. And it's Scorsese's time machine back to the beginning of cinema, to the dreamers and artists who took a new medium and never stopped experimenting because film was magical. I won't spoil any plot details -- I knew little going into the movie and my experience was better for it -- but I can promise that if you paid attention in Intro to Cinema, your brain (and heart) will be tickled by familiar references throughout Hugo. Hugo is about two loners surprised to find their paths to redemption in one another, but it's also simply Scorsese's celebration of the power of his beloved medium.

5. MARGIN CALL

Margin Call is the anti-Artist. The Artist -- which will probably win Best Picture and I'm making peace with that -- is all silence, all facial expressions and body language. The powerful, heady Margin Call is all words. It's number-filled monologues, hypotheticals-filled dialogue, and philosophizing board room meetings. And it's never anything less than compelling.
When a young broker for, well, not-Lehman Bros., discovers disturbing trends in their company's projections, he takes it to his boss. Who takes it to his boss, and so on, until it becomes a moral dilemma: do we save the company and cripple the economy, or do we come clean about the toxicity of our assets and maybe not screw over everyone in the process? Kevin Spacey gives, and this is not an exaggeration, the best performance of his career as a high-level broker in charge of carrying out the dirty work. Every scene sparks with the electricity of the words, of the fear and the greed that have come to define a generation.

4. BRIDESMAIDS

I definitely didn't laugh harder at any other movie this year, and there's something to be said for that. But more importantly, Bridesmaids gave me characters I believed in, characters I rooted for, and characters I could have happily spent several more hours with. Kristen Wiig as Annie is a mess of anger and insecurities that only get more tangled when she's asked to be her best friend's Maid of Honor. Being someone's best friend is all this failed baker/failed girlfriend/failed adult has left and when the position is threatened, she sabotages herself. We all know someone like Annie, someone who's trying so hard to be liked that all they do is hate themselves, and Wiig and her team brought her to screen with grace, humanity, and many, many laughs.

3. WIN WIN

What if the family in The Blind Side had actually had financial problems, if taking in another child had been a burden? What if the family in The Blind Side was a mess of moral complications and questionable decisions? What if The Blind Side has been a really good movie?
Win Win answers all these questions. Paul Giamatti is perfectly cast as a struggling small-town lawyer and Amy Ryan as his feisty Jersey wife. They take in, with great hesitance, an angry, monotone teenager who, it turns out, may be a wrestling prodigy and, while the characters' hearts soften, they never stop struggling to do right by one another. The actors play off each other wonderfully; Bobby Cannavale in particular makes all of his scenes a spirited joy. Win Win is a film about sacrifices, and the true freedom that comes from overcoming one's fear of making them.

2. THE TREE OF LIFE

It's impossible to watch -- or to write about -- The Tree of Life without approaching it from a very personal and spiritual standpoint. Terrence Malick's epic is a collection of sequences that send the viewer back into his or her own mind, into memories, feelings, beliefs. Moments as big as the creation of the universe feel intimate and moments as quiet as a mother cradling her child feel grand and universal. Yes, there's topsy-turvy editing. Yes, there are dinosaurs and yes, there's Sean Penn (whose character, quite honestly, I could do without). But Terrence Malick is reconstructing the balance of a family, the way the forces of grace and power work with and against each other throughout our lives. The Tree of Life left me in awe with its grandeur, but it also made me feel like it understood everything about fathers and sons, about the way we protect - and sometimes reveal - our hearts.

1. MONEYBALL

So yeah, Brad Pitt did a good job this year. In Moneyball, as Billy Beane, he's the best he's ever been. The pressures and stresses of running a poorly-funded baseball team simmer under his calm-but-cranky exterior. He wants to take risks. He wants to reinvent his managing style and reinvent his team because that's the only way he can truly reinvent himself. Otherwise, he's still a "failed ballplayer" in the back of his own mind. And though it's of course debatable whether or not he succeeds, the journey is inspiring, exciting, funny, moving, and surprising.
Director Bennet Miller paces Billy's crusade out carefully, taking time to establish Billy's quiet desperation before teaming him up with Peter Brand (Jonah Hill), a number-cruncher with a non-traditional approach to scouting players. As Beane & Brand engage in some really smart Odd Couple antics, Miller lets their scenes breathe. But as the season heats up, he also mixes in graphic montages and radio announcers, wisely layering the pressures of Billy's world without ever sacrificing the film's reflective, dreamy aesthetic. I found myself completely swept up in Billy's plight, his attempt to leave his fingerprints on an institution by changing its rules, and every single scene rang true while also feeling completely necessary. It was, easily, the most inspired I've felt while leaving a theater in years.

My 10 Favorite Movie Scenes of the Year

An imperfect film - or even a straight-up bad film - can still have one scene, one exciting moment. Conversely, a great film can be so consistently artful or funny or moving that no one scene sticks out as a highlight. My favorite movie scenes this year came from films both great and disappointing; the scenes themselves, however, created an indelible and unforgettable moment and, if a filmmaker (or a performer) can capture you in some theatrical magic for a full scene, I think it's definitely worth noting.

SUPER 8 "Train Wreck"
JJ Abrams' blatantly Speilbergian family sci-fi adventure had a lot of great moments of both suspense and tenderness. The most electric moment, however, came when a pick-up truck purposely jumps onto the train tracks; the ensuing crash is spectacular to behold. With our lovable, moppet-heroes narrowly fleeing the danger, there was emotional heft. But with the disorienting darkness and eerie gleam of the train, the audience was thrust into the motion of the chaos and destruction. It was a grand, thrilling set piece that the rest of the film couldn't quite catch up to.

DRIVE "First Chase"
I didn't really enjoy Drive, so I'm expecting people to yell and throw rocks at me later when they read this. (Ow. Ow! Stop it, Prell!) But I will happily bang the drum for the opening car chase, a sparse and breathless series of maneuvers through downtown LA. It sets up the character's talents - and, to some degree, his world - in an almost real-time sequence that wisely uses ambient noise and sound effects to create tension. It also ends with a moment of surprise wit, giving us a connection to Driver and a sneak peak into the way the cogs and gears turn inside his head.

THE TRIP "Too Dead to Hear It"
If you don't like Steve Coogan, you won't enjoy The Trip, since it's mostly two hours of Steve Coogan playing Steve Coogan while talking about Steve Coogan. In the film, he visits a series of restaurants across the north of Britain for a magazine article; his friend, Rob Bryden, tags along. While visiting the remains of an abbey, Bryden (half-jokingly) asks Coogan to deliver the eulogy he would give at Bryden's funeral. Coogan's ensuing eulogy is... well, mean. Kind of. As Coogan tries to reduce his friend's life to a series of meaningless ventures, he accidentally captures the spirit of Rob's warmth and humor. In the process, Coogan articulates - only with his face - the large, empty gaps in his own life.

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS "Prove His Mettle"
In terms of this summer's Marvel movies, I'd put this below Thor (purposefully silly and exciting) and above Captain America (the year's most boring, out-of-place villain), but First Class had the most masterful casting: Michael Fassbender as vengeful Magneto and James McAvoy as cautious idealist Professor X. These two actors played off each other wonderfully throughout, but near the film's midpoint, they get a rare, quiet moment to delve into their talents... and their powerful back stories. As X challenges 'Neto to move a giant, far-off satellite dish, the challenge is less about what he can do and more about how it feels to never stop fighting.

YOUNG ADULT "Drink Before You Speak"
When Charlize Theron's broken and unstable Mavis Gary returns home to Mercury, MN, the first old acquaintance she encounters is Patton Oswalt's Matt Freehauf. He's a smart but cynical sad-sack and over the course of several drinks, the two of them fall into an unlikely but transfixing rhythm. As they trade insults and recall injuries, they beat each other up emotionally. Ironically, this may be the only healthy thing these two characters do the entire film. The action eventually moves outside the bar, where Mavis reveals her true intentions and the confession bonds them together. It's the birth of a fantastic and unexpected screen team.

HUGO "Film on Film"
I'm overly critical of montages, just because I think, in general, they can be lazy and extraneous. But Hugo had three montages and they were all excellent and necessary. Each one hit me right in the heart, but the montage about film's origins - from Melies' magician past to his discovery of the Lumiere brothers' "Train Coming Into the Station" to the advent of shorts and silent features - was, unlike most montages, more than a series of moments and information. It was a soulful tale about a new medium finding its way into the hands - and minds - of excited young artists. In one montage, the endless possibilities of "dreams on screens" came thrillingly alive. It also managed to take Hugo's modern audience and put it in the position of the innocent eyes that witnessed the spectacular, wondrous birth of "movies."

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES "Gorilla Warriors"
I feel cheap picking an action scene - an action sequence, really - in what was a shockingly thoughtful, character-driven film with several brilliant wordless moments. But the scene I find most memorable is the "Ape Escape," a crazy and destructive prison break that pits a bunch of angry monkeys against a bunch of confused cops (and evil corporate businesspeople). The climax on the Golden Gate Bridge was, I'll admit, exhilarating; it was an explosive ballet of primate-on-man violence involving helicopters, several cars, and, best of all, apes on horses(!). I was leaning forward in my seat the whole time, feeling like a soldier in the onscreen war. This very smart film had given me two acts to invest in the plight of its Simian protagonist; now it was offering me the grand set piece the protagonist deserved.

THE ARTIST "Have This Dance"
The Artist's conceit - that it's a silent movie about the advent of "talkies" - is a clever premise that could easily swallow up the film itself. Luckily, the actors commit to giving performances that balance 1920s-style showiness with the kind of subtleties that a modern audience needs for the characters to feel authentic. This is highlighted when George and Peppy, working on a film together for the first time, perform several takes of a pass-your-partner ballroom dance. As George continually ruins the take, the chemistry comes alive and, in many ways, makes the characters into who they become. It shows how much romance is expressed simply in the eyes.

50/50 "Auto Therapy"
The most under-appreciated onscreen chemistry this year belonged to Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anna Kendrick (aka "Anna Kendrick, national treasure"). As a cancer patient and his exasperated, newbie counselor, the two actors beautifully played off each other's mounting vulnerabilities. When Kendrick's Katherine offers Gordon-Levitt's Adam a ride home, the two slowly get comfortable in the car, their first time together outside of her messy office. They ease into the conversation and, when he makes her pull over so he can throw out her trash, it doesn't feel like a "cute" romcom moment. There are no over-the-top laughs from her or cocky-but-charming quips from him. Rather, it's refreshingly honest and human, and - unlike anything Kate Hudson's done in ten years - it makes you deeply invested in the central couple.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: GHOST PROTOCOL "You Say Dubai, I Say Oh No"
The fourth M:I is a feat in choreography. Truly. Tom Cruise, as a looser, fiercer Ethan Hunt this time around, has maybe ten lines in the movie. But he is a physical presence in a way that leading men rarely get to be these days. His "spy moves" are never more on display than in a sky-high, on-the-edge scene that places him on the outside of the world's tallest building, 103 floors up. It's swift but nerve-wrecking, Brad Bird's camera swirling from high-to-low, making you feel every unit of gravity that's pulling at Ethan. And the final forehead-smacking move? My hand instinctively went to my own forehead. I've never done a single thing Ethan Hunt has done, but I feel his pain.

My 35 Favorite Tracks of 2011

I wouldn't call myself a music connoisseur. Not out loud. That would be pretentious.

I will admit out loud, however, that more than in any other recent year, I spent less time seeking out new music and wandering listlessly around audio blogs. I was just too busy, so my tastes tended not to stray from the familiar. If it wasn't a band I didn't already know - or a song that wasn't perfect for a workout/house-cleaning/long pensive drive down Hollywood Blvd Playlist - then it probably never streamed through my earbuds. Sorry, Music!

And yet, coming up with 50 Tracks from 2011 that I loved was not too difficult. Haha, just kidding, I could only think of 35. But - but! - just because a song is a treadmill song doesn't mean it isn't brilliant. And just because an artist makes my year-end list every year doesn't mean they don't always deserve it. So, keeping in mind that I've been less than musically adventurous this year, I humbly offer up my favorites.

(Also worth noting: Some of these aren't quite 2011 tracks, but 2011 is when I discovered them. So to me they're 2011 tracks. Kind of like how maybe you all die when I go to sleep and come back to life when I wake up. Also: I put "Rolling on the Deep" on my list last year because I AM A SORCERER.)

"Youth Knows No Pain" by Lykke Li
Aggressive and aggressively retro. If I ever take up smoking, I'm totally going to play this song while smoking and watching Tarantino films.

"Won't Back Down" by Eminem feat. P!nk
Last time I played this track, I banged my knee on the front of the treadmill because I started running so damn fast. It's not Em at his most introspective, or even his most clever, but with sputtering percussion and an insane sense of momentum, it's his most wild track.

"Barton Hollow" by The Civil Wars
This song feels like being baptized in an old-timey river. I mean that in a really positive way, obviously.

"Mind Your Manners" by Chiddy Bang & Icona Pop
OK, there's some treacly sentiments such as "I'm living in the moment" and something about a butterfly. But as far as indie playground rap goes (that's a genre, right?), "Mind Your Manners" has the bounce and spirit to rise above its own Hallmark moments.

"Let's Win!" by Alexander
Here's that folksy indie pop I was looking for! Why didn't you tell me about this, Wes Anderson. THAT'S YOUR JOB.

"More" by Usher
This will sound crazy but this song kind of sounds like it was maybe written for Queen. It's an arena-rocker but it's somehow also a dancehall jam. Usher seems really eager to please us and he succeeds. Well, he pleased me; this song barely charted.

"Shake It Out" by Florence + The Machine
Florence usually sounds like she's singing with the vibrating edges of her damned soul, but on "Shake It Out," she rips it out and splashes it around while somehow maintaining her maybe-I'm-just-a-Renaissance-painting-who-came-alive vibe.


"Super Bass" by Nicki Minaj
You guys would tell me if I had that super bass, right? I also really love that this monster hit led to the briefly awkward moment of a 6-year-old girl singing, "He might sell coke!" on Ellen.

"Don't Move" by Phantogram
"Don't Move" starts like a beautifully cacophonous collage and then the ethereal vocals come in and sweep over it and when you hear the repeating line of "Keep your body still," you know you should probably do the opposite.

"Hell in Heels" by Pistol Annies
The best, most fun, most rocking feminist anthem of the year came from Miranda Lambert's pistol-packin' country grrl group.

"Best Thing I Never Had" by Beyonce
No one does kiss-offs like Beyonce. She's pretty much the Ultimate Master. (Someone please add that to her Wikipedia page.) So even though I think "WTF?" every time I hear her sing, "You showed your ass and I saw the real you," I still feel every intended growl and moment of soft regret.

"Girls Girls $" by Theophilus London
Oh, Theophilus, you have the craziest shopping list!


"Gangsta" by Tune-Yards
I could just as easily have put "Powa"or "Bizness" on here. But at the end of the day, I'm going to go with the caterwauled storytelling that sounds almost like it was recorded in a back alley. In Jamaica.

"Otis" by The Throne
OK, I haven't actually given Watch the Throne a fair listen from beginning to end and, yes, I need to do that. But until that happens, I'll highlight this Redding-sampled slice of anything-but-tenderness that may or may not have blasted through my car windows throughout July and August.

"Little Black Submarines" by The Black Keys
I could have chosen any track off the brilliant El Camino, but in a gun-to-my-head situation - which is a situation that people writing year-end blog posts always find themselves in! - I'll go with "Little Black Submarines." It starts where The White Stripes left off, but adds a swell of cathartic pain that never sounded this brokenhearted when Jack White sang it. And then, halfway through, they amp up the catharsis.

"You Da One" by Rihanna
I get a little bored with the disco stick waving of "We Found Love," but I can bump along with the breezy professions of young romantic interludes on "You Da One," in which Rihanna sounds, well, actually happy.

"What Do You Want" by Jerrod Niemann
Hands down, the best thinking-about-you-while-drinking song of the year. And that is kinda a HUGE genre.


"Slight Work" by Wale feat. Big Sean
I won't lie; I miss Mixtape Wale, who seemed more courageous and daring, both with his production and his curious social statements. So while his new album doesn't have the bite I'm used to, this Diplo-produced track has multiple elements of surprise and some of Wale's best rhymes.

"The Edge of Glory" by Lady Gaga
Born This Way is a really solid album, even if we tend to get caught up in the theatrics more than the music. My favorite track is the third single, a perfect example of straightforward, rousing pop music.

"No Strings" by Mayer Hawthorne
Seductive old school R&B; Hawthorne's ode to commitment-free loving actually betrays his weakness for old-fashioned romance.

"Mama's Broken Heart" by Miranda Lambert
"Go hide your crazy and start acting like a lady" demands the mother of the broken-hearted narrator. But the crazy, fortunately, stays in the foreground as the damaged, losing-it "lady" unravels at the expense of her mother's carefully constructed facade.

"Cbat" by Hudson Mohawke
This is mostly just an awkwardly repeating riff, but to me, it feels like the tribal dance of the iGeneration.

"Starry Eyed" by Ellie Goulding
She sounds like she's being swallowed up in her own excitement and passion while dreamlike soundscapes cascade around her. When Ellie falls in love, it feels like a star collapsing.

"Do It Like a Dude" by Jessie J
I'm not sure where exactly this should fall on the postfeminist measuring stick, but the girl's got mad swagger (that's a thing, right?) and it gets nicely highlighted on this banger that rocks the floorboards. I do not, however, condone spiky lipstick.


"The Circle Married the Line" by Feist
It's typically gentle, but this standout track from Metals is wistful and hopeful, and full of beautiful textures. It's a love song that's just downright lovely.

"You're So Square (Baby I Don't Care)" by Cee-Lo
Rave On, a pretty great Buddy Holly tribute album, came out this year. And the cut that works best? This jaunty ode to being "square," performed by pop's roundest star.

"Like This" by E-603
Haha, I kind of found a way to put "Rolling in the Deep" on here. Gotchya! Seriously though, E-603 is nipping at Girl Talk's heels in the brilliant mashing department and Smokeshow is clever and intoxicating from beginning to end. He turns transitions into exciting moments of recognition. I'm highlighting "Like This" because of its mind-bendingly awesome mash of Adele, Ace of Base, Mims, LCD Soundsystem, Len, and many more.

"Houdini" by Foster the People
While we were pumping up our kicks, we might have overlooked this dreamy bit of electro-rock that was made to be played over montages of teenagers partying when their parents are out of town.

"Sleazy Remix" by Ke$ha featuring Andre 3000
I miss OutKast and, honestly, this was a fun way to get a little fill of Andre this year. And I will (semi-confidently) defend Ke$ha's "trash pop" any day of the week.

"Take Off Your Shirt" by Bibio
Some fun, loose guitar-driven rock with an undeniably raw and sex-tinged undercurrent. The kind of song that the neighbor kid's garage band would write, if they were way better.

"I Wrote The Book" by Beth Ditto
For Ditto, this is actually restrained. She reins in her gritty diva-ness and recasts herself as an 80s dance-pop songstress, full of melodic cooing and subtle proclamations.

"If I Die Young" by The Band Perry
It took a while, but this country hit really grew on me. It's a surprising hit, considering what a peaceful, calm song it is about death. But it has real soul and I'll be damned (pun intended) if the hook of that chorus doesn't seep into your mind-grapes for days.

"Bounce" by Calvin Harris featuring Kelis
Calvin Harris does his best beep-booping here (and he does a lot of it - and he does it well, don't get me wrong) in this Europop confection that, despite being great in its own right, now sounds like the prequel to "We Found Love."


"Sweat" by Casely featuring Lil Jon and Machel Montano
Beyonce's "Run the World (Girls)" was a classic lesson in how to NOT incorporate a club sample into an R&B song. Luckily, Casely released "Sweat," an ode to swapping bodily fluid on the dance floor, and he uses the exact same sample as Beyonce: Major Lazer's "Pon de Floor." It's the kind of song perfect for a NappyTabs routine. By letting the sample stand on its own - with Lil Jon throwing some grunts and "Sweat!"s over it - it gives the track a series of thumping, energizing climaxes. That's what she said.

"Someone Like You" by Adele
I heard it so many times that I started to FEEL FEELINGS. It was weird and uncomfortable.


OK, that's all I've got. Since, musically, I've been living in a cave, I happily invite you to tell me what I've been missing and what I really need to check out. We can turn 2012 into a year of redemption!

Or you can just use the comments section to bash me for my awful taste. Either way.

(On Twitter at @AaronFullerton)

Emmys 2011: I Pick 'Em So You Don't Have To (Unless You're an Emmy Voter Who Actually Got to Pick 'Em)

I take television pretty seriously. I work in television. I want to always work in television. So the Emmys to me are a Super Bowl of sorts, except that unlike in sports, everything is totally subjective and you cannot realistically pit different pieces of commercial art against each other. But we do, and it's fun!

Keeping that in mind, I'm going to tell what I think will and should win.

BEST DRAMA:
Will Win: I don't think this is as easy to call as everyone suspects. Mad Men has been off the air for months now and, even though renewal negotiations kept it in the industry spotlight, I don't think it's a shoo-in. Plus, a lot of people were confused by Don't big decision in the finale. It's been three years in a row for the AMC show and I think they're ready to spread the wealth to another network. My guess: HBO will be honored and, even though Boardwalk Empire won a lot of awards earlier this year, I think that GAME OF THRONES is too buzzy to ignore.
Should Win: I would be perfectly happy with wins by Mad Men, Game of Thrones, Friday Night Lights, or The Good Wife. But, ultimately, GAME OF THRONES was the most surprising and consistent and, of all the nominees, feels like the true trailblazer.

BEST COMEDY:
Will Win: Although it's not the sure-thing it was last year, I think MODERN FAMILY simply has too much broad appeal. And even though the season was uneven, it still had a slew of very worthy episodes to submit.
Should Win: Without a doubt, PARKS & RECREATION, the most hilarious and heartfelt half-hour on television.

BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA:
Will Win: No actor from Mad Men has ever won. The campaign for JON HAMM has been very strong. Jon Hamm will win.
Should Win: Jon Hamm is brilliant and is, realistically, probably going to be a huge star for the rest of his life. (Especially in the comedy world.) I will enjoy hearing his acceptance speech. But KYLE CHANDLER, in his final season as Coach on Friday Night Lights, gave a master class performance, balancing restrained anger with uncorrupted passion.

BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA:
Will Win: Ummmmmmmmm... JULIANNA MARGUILES. Maybe? This one is really tough. Kathy Bates has won an Oscar so she could pull off a Sally Field win. Elisabeth Moss submitted one of the best hours of television ever produced, "The Suitcase" episode - which she was phenomenal in - so she's a contender, too. Connie Britton could maybe cash in on all the sudden late love for Friday Night Lights.
Should Win: I love Moss. I love Britton. I love Marguiles. Ultimately, I choose the actress whose performance completely anchors her show: MARGUILES.

BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY:
Will Win: STEVE CARRELL, but it will be more like a "Thanks for all your seasons of work" Award.
Should Win: Alec Baldwin's Jack Donaghey still hasn't gotten old to me and I adore Louis CK on Louie, but I like him better as a writer/director than an actor. For pure laughs, I'd give it to MATT LEBLANC for Episodes, if just for squirm-inducingly funny way he uncorked a bottle of wine at a benefit for rape victims.

BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY:
Will Win: Two years ago, Toni Collette won for her first-year Showtime show. Last year, Edie Falco won for her first-year Showtime show. This year, Laura Linney will win for her first-year Showtime sho-- needle scratch! Even though Linney's the favorite, I think the Emmys will finally pick comedy over dramedy and honor AMY POEHLER for her vivacious performance on Parks and Recreation.
Should Win: Poehler. In fact, she should win a few Emmys that are welded together.

BEST WRITING IN A DRAMA:
Will Win: Whoa! Didn't think I would cover this category?! Of course I would. It's probably the most important category. But yeah, this one's easy - Matt Weiner will win this category for the fourth year in a row with "THE SUITCASE", the MAD MEN episode in which Don and Peggy stay up all night working on a campaign just after Don finds out that one of his best friends has died. Heartbreaking, engrossing, and about as perfect as television gets.
Should Win: See above.

BEST WRITING IN A COMEDY:
Will Win: Considering how respected he is in the television and comedy industries - and considering how this nominated episode is funny, touching, and covertly political - I think Louis CK will win for "POKER/DIVORCE" from the first season of LOUIE.
Should Win: "REAGANING", a season 5 episode of 30 ROCK that was so good, it could have been from season 2.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA:
Will Win: I think it's a Cumming vs. Dinklage battle. My gut says ALAN CUMMING (The Good Wife) wins.
Should Win: PETER DINKLAGE, on Game of Thrones, for lacing a smart-alecky, misunderstood character with just the right touches of sadness and sentimentality. A win for Braugher, whose Men of a Certain Age met its end too soon, would be swell, too.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA:
Will Win: This one feels like a Martindale vs. McDonald battle. Ultimately, I think MARGO MARTINDALE (Justified) is such a respected character actress that she'll take it.
Should Win: This is going to be an unpopular choice, but for me, it's hands-down CHRISTINE BARANKSI. Diane Lockhart on The Good Wife is one of the most interesting women on TV, and not only because she's written that way. She's smart but vulnerable, she's bossy and a good listener, she's opinionated but open-minded. Baranski balances all those with a sharp, reigned-in performance that only looks easy.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY:
Will Win: Part of me thinks they'll give it to Jon Cryer for surviving the Sheenocalypse (and because the Modern Family guys will cancel each other out.) But I bet one of the Modern Family guys takes it... and I bet it's TY BURRELL, whose consistently harried put-upon husband and father is probably the show's top laugh-getter.
Should Win: Well, since Nick Offerman is inexplicably absent (and so are Adam Scott and Chris Pratt), I would mark the box beside JESSE TYLER FERGUSON, who turns so many reaction shots and to-the-camera moments into perfectly-timed laugh riots. I guess you could say that about all of the Modern Family guys - and gals - but I like his best.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY:
Will Win: They could easily give it to Betty White, because she's a national institution now and still delivers punchlines. They could easily give it to Kristen Wiig, who should be a contender at the Oscars next year for Bridesmaids for Screenplay (fingers crossed) and Best Actress (in my dreams, probably). They could easily give it to the host of the show, Jane Lynch. But I think they pick a Modern Family mama, and I think they will go with the curvacious Colombian, SOFIA VERGARA.
Should Win: Much like Jesse Tyler Ferguson, I think JULIE BOWEN can turn a well-timed, unscripted look into pure comedy gold. Plus, I would argue that she's actually the best physical comedian on the show.

Those are my picks. If you have disposable income, I highly suggest placing large bets on all my selections. You have disposable income! Your life is great, you have nothing to lose! Do it!

Entourage Series Finale: Recapped It!

Entourage has been a wonderfully mediocre constant in my life over the last however many years (not going to look it up) so even when, in season 3, it tumbled over a rocky cliff like a Charlie Sheen convertible, I kept watching because, you know, sometimes convertibles that tumble over cliffs explode like fireballs.

And Entourage did! It was like watching a star die. Sometimes pretty literally since Vince had a "drug problem" and probably several undiagnosed STDs. And so while I wouldn't call watching the last three years of Entourage "enjoyment," I will say that it defied expectations - I expected to see a fireball, but instead I got the glorious creation of a black hole.

Keeping that attitude in mind, I blogged the finale as it happened.

• HAHAHHAHAHA of course Vince wants to get married to the girl that he's dated for 24 hours. We all knew he would say this when he had big news. This is the girl that, if I may remind you, is a well-educated sex bomb Vanity Fair journalist who doesn't date actors and wrote an article about how pathetic Vince's need for female attention is. Oh women! They're so silly! If you just make them a video of all your exes saying how good you are in bed and that you're sweet - and then you deliver that video to her at work - they will totally realize how silly they are! Good thing Vince and the guys know so much about women!
• But seriously, this has to be some kind of set-up, right? I know it's the finale but there's no way that woman will actually marry Vince in Paris. The very suggestion! Did I mention "HAHAHAHHAHA"? We haven't seen her on-screen so it's definitely a set-up. What will the twist be?!
• Oh yeah, Sloane's pregnant. With a hate-baby.
• OK, so Rachel Zoe bumps into Vince at the jewelry shop. Is it pronounced Rachel ZO or Rachel ZO-EEEEEEE? I'm not sure. I think both are right. This is what I'm thinking when Vince tells Terrence that his daughter is pregnant with a hate-baby. Or maybe it's a shame-baby. Anyway, Terrence is so mad that he decides he doesn't want a shave anymore! He will need whiskers when he shoots E in the face! And then Adrian Grenier makes a face like, "I wonder what I will get at the Coffee Bean truck later today. Craft services are a fun place for actors to go to between scenes!" Then the cashier tells him the ring he picked out is $1.4million. And he's like, I can't EVEN BE BOTHERED with that right now! I just violated the bro code! Here is my credit card!
• Turtle and Drama visit Sloane - oh God, these characters' names, how did I not realize until just right now? So anyway, they visit her and tell her she needs to be at the wedding and I like that at least she doesn't for a goddamn second believe this wedding is any kinds of real. Because now I'm seeing it's a ploy for E and Sloane to get married! I get it! Even though Vince announced the wedding before he knew about Sloane being pregnant, it still makes sense in Entourageworld. OK, I see where this is going. Sloane says she'll think about it, which is risky, because in Entourageworld, women sometimes get less pretty when they think.
  
• Meanwhile, Ari is having an emotional breakdown which not even football coaches can snap him out of because Entourage didn't pay them to do anything besides stand in place. Ari's wife tells him that, more or less, he's a bad listener/father/husband. This has been mentioned roughly 600 times on this show but because now Ari is finally listening and this is the series finale he actually says, "I am?"
• He calls his daughter - who picks up the phone because she's out shopping with friends because school was canceled. Which is a better sign that he's a bad father: that he wasn't listening to his daughter, or that he thought she'd be in school so he was planning to just leave a message? Well, it doesn't matter because he and his daughter say they love each other, but she'll love him more after he listens to the CD of the Italian kids that she gave him.
• It's at this point I know that Il Volo, the group of awkward-looking opera tweens, will appear on the episode at some point and all I can do is laugh because it makes me think of my favorite American Idol recap of all time.
• Vince tells E he told Terrence. Terrence calls E and threatens to murder him. Turtle says nothing about Don Pepe's. Drama looks out the window to see a billboard for Kevin Dillon's new show and the black hole that is Entourageworld begins collapsing even further upon itself. (This last part does not actually happen, but why not?)
• Ari listens to Il Volo and because it's probably the first time he's allowed himself to experience art of any kind, he has another emotional breakdown and quits his job. I'm worried for Jake because what will happen to Jake?!? Although Jake is an assistant that's wearing what are clearly $2000 suits, so screw you, Jake.
• Vince goes to visit Sloane. Adrian Grenier is doing his "I really enjoyed that Ice Blended from the Coffee Bean truck! It was super-yummy! AND I memorized my lines today! Roller coasters are fun" face. Sloan is like, "Maybe" but then she's definitely like, "Totally." About E, I mean. About letting E be the father to her shame-baby. (It's more of a shame-baby now.) And then Vince says, "My fiancee is out in the car. Want to meet her?" And now I laugh because obviously there's no one in the car because why wouldn't they show her onscreen? Why would she just wait in the car like some kind of dog? CLEARLY, this is all a big plan for Sloane and E to finally get married. That is truly the only logical explanation. Oh Doug Ellin, my heartstrings can't take it!
• Speaking of heartstrings, Ari goes home and tells his wife - who is wearing a dress made out of dead doves? - that remember when they were in college and wanted to spend a year in Florence? They can do that now because he quit his job. I have no idea if the children will be involved in this year in Florence, so obviously Ari is still a bad father. But look, IL VOLO IS HERE! They've crawled out of the lockers from which they've surely been shoved into and have come to fix a broken marriage. After three notes, Mrs. Ari - whose name is apparently Melissa; did we always know that? - realizes she had probably been thinking too much. What a silly woman she was! Of course she will take him back and go to Italy and abandon their children. She forgets why she was even mad in the first place. It was probably that female therapist that told her thinking was an acceptable female activity.
• Lloyd drives up and "ruins" the "moment" because Ari is his inspiration. And Ari essentially says, "Shine on, gay star!" Lloyd will shine on and is happy that he was considered enough of a fan favorite to merit a final sendoff scene.
• Scott Caan is there! Everyone kind of looks at him, briefly acknowledges him, and then agrees with him that he is not "family." Why was he even there? Oh, because he was essentially more likable than all the other characters put together.
  
• Anyway, E drives up to the private jet and over on the wall there is an American flag hanging by a French flag. I wonder if they do this in the warehouse/terminal every time the plane flies somewhere. That seems pretty stupid. If it's a private jet, the person who hired the jet knows where they're going. They don't need flags hung up. Although I do find it semi-amusing that, on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, I am watching a show hang an American flag beside a French flag.
• Turtle mentions that he's a millionaire now. Oh yeah.
• Drama has a horrible flashback to an experience he had at drama camp in which a young boy was drowning in a river and Drama, not confident enough in his swimming ability, simply watched the boy perish. At least, that's how I read his facial expression. I don't know, I was getting bored and I thought that would be a good explanation for how he got the name "Drama."
• Vince steps out of the plane and the Vanity Fair girl is there and SHE IS A WILLING PARTICIPANT IN THE MARRIAGE. At first I think that she is either a) a hologram or b) suffering from some kind of Stockholm syndrome. And then I laugh. A full-throated belly laugh. A laugh from the core of my being. Why would I question it? Why did I think there would be a reasonable payoff to all of this? What show did I think I was watching?
  
• Just to recap once more. Her: world-renowned journalist who will not date actors and was actually pretty creeped out with the way that Vince wouldn't stop hitting on her and begging her to go out with him. Him: a likely sex addict and certainly a narcissist who probably should have had a restraining order filed against him. Also, not a very good actor. Also, has nothing to talk to her about. If Dr. Drew had to diagnose Vince, I think he would shrug and say, "I don't know. Everything, probably?"
  
• How has Dr. Drew never cameo-ed on this show? Maybe he has. I'm not going to look it up, though.
• Ari and his wife show up. Reference to "hugging it out" is made. THEY REMEMBER THEIR ROOTS!
  
• E is disappointed because his life is so confusing. What will he do about Sloane? (Duh. He should have made a video of all his exes talking about how great he is and give it to her at work.) Vince points to a separate plane for E. Sloane is waiting at the stairs, ready for E to join her and father the shame-baby. E runs over to her and they get on the plane, happy as can be, although there's a 100% chance of them having a fight before the plane actually takes off.
• Vince's future-wife/potential Stockholm syndrome sufferer, Sophia, turns to Vince and says, "You're incredible." And he says, "You haven't seen anything yet." Or something along those lines. Pretty close. I was barely listening. I'm like Ari that way.
• And then, of course, OF COURSE, Entourage ends its 9/11 finale with two planes taking off. I'm sure they had no idea when this was going to air when they shot it, but OF COURSE.

So I laugh at the pure, shallow, sexist insanity of it all and then Mark Wahlberg's name comes on screen and I think, "Well now, I'll never eat at Wahlburgers." (I'll probably eat at Whalburgers.) And as the black hole expands, I nod toward the television set. Not a thank you, per se, but an acknowledgment for, since season 3, never straying from its singular vision. It was a shitty and offensive singular vision, sure, but it let me regularly feel a false-yet-intense sense of superiority and sometimes, you gotta take that when you can get it. Especially on Sunday nights.

Me & Molly Recap: Top Chef, The Good Wife, and Memories of Dr. Quinn

Me and Molly discuss television. Like so:

Molly: OH MY GOD TOP CHEF DESTROYED ME LAST NIGHT

f**k you in the EAR, mike isabella

me: I KNOW

I mean, I'm not so crazy that I can't admit that Antonia hasn't been cooking at her 100% awesomeness level while in the Bahamas

Molly: Agreed

me: and that Mike kinda has

Molly: but STILL

me: but I mean, DAMN

an Antonia and Blais finale would have been so much more satisfying

Molly: agreeeeed
ugh, who would have thought that of all people Mike Isabella would actually have a chance at taking this ting

me: the thing is: he won't take this thing

Molly: i mean, i'm rooting for Blais, obv

me: yeah, because we also rooted for THE ALLIES IN WORLD WAR 2

OF COURSE WE'RE ROOTING FOR BLAIS

Molly: but...i'm also not because blais has been a total psychopants
me: yeah, I kind of want to know what it's like in the Blais household though when he loses at Go Fish

Molly: right? i feel like he totally wears that weird thigh-spike thing the albino monk wore in da vinci code

"I've failed. I'm a failure. I hate every card I played."

me: Also, I can way too easily picture his wife beating him

like, with a paddle

Molly: omg. she was SCARY in that episode, right?

me: yeah, he was like, "She's a soccer player and a total athlete" but all I heard was "She's a soccer player and OMG LASERS SHOOT FROM HER EYES"

Molly: when she was giving him the rundown on what all the judges said about his food

she had that look in her eyes like a prize fighter's trainer who is PISSED that her boxer is not living up to his potential

me: You're totally right. She should have played the Zellweger part in Cinderella Man. Instant Oscar!

Although it she had played Bridget Jones, the Diary would have just been a list of "daily missions" and would have all been "accomplished" by the end of the day
Molly: 1. Lose 20 pounds.

three hours later: done

me: My greater concern, now, is how much of a role the "sous chefs of failure" play in the finale dishes

Molly: augh, yeah

did someone actually pick marcel?

because it appeared from the preview that someone picked marcel

me: I think someone "gets" Marcel

Molly: Blais, you can't be that stupid

me: I think Marcel ends up on someone's team, like in a fat kid playing dodgeball way

(I bet Blais' wife can kill someone with only a dodgeball)

Molly: Ugh. She really was scary. That woman unnerved me.

Pregnancy clearly made her angrier.

me: "Honey, can you pick me up ice cream and pickles? And a human limb I don't care where you get it? Thanks"

Also, I know they're in the Bahamas, but I'm really sick of everyone using coconut

and I love coconut

Molly: agreed on both counts

also, i was pretty disappointed in both the women last week

all "i've never cooked with conch!"

really?

you know the finale's going to be in the Bahamas and it's for 200k and it doesn't occur to you "maybe i should go pick up some conch and see what i can do with it before the inevitable challenge where I have to do something with it?"

me: yeah, it's like people going on Survivor and having no idea how to make fire

Molly: it's just frustrating!
why do i, the viewier, understand that this is something you need to do but you don't!

me: especially because MIKE PRACTICED

and he's, like, only semi-literate or something

I can all too easily picture him coloring in a sudoku with a crayon

Molly: oh, not to jump subjects, because top chef is agonizing and we could talk about it for hours

but did you seee this week's Good Wife

me: does Chris Brown hate windows?

Molly: ....i don't know

me: (he does)

Molly: were you kind of disappointed that Kalinda's secret is that she slept with Peter?

(between you and me, Kalinda is honestly like my least favorite character on the show, though)

(other than the florrick kids. screw those kids. they're ugly and dumb, and in this world, you can be one, but not the other.)

me: Oh man, I have to disagree with you on like every count.
Molly: Good! DEBATE!

me: I liked that that was the secret, because it raises a lot of interesting questions about the circumstances

...especially because I am still not ready to forgive Chris Noth

Molly: for existing?

me: and I like that we got reminded that the shadows of his sins still hang over the family

Molly: i mean, i do think that's going to be the thing that drives alicia to finally file for divorce

and i also like it that i can very easily see kalinda sleeping with a married man and being all "yeah? so?" about it

and i REALLY like it that the thing she's been so freaked out about is losing Alicia's friendship

me: yeah, exactly. and it really seems like the sex was a really awesome thank you card for him helping to change her name

Molly: yeah, i think i just wanted to know more about the name change and the circumstances surrounding that

me: yeah, I mean there's more there. certainly.

but I like that it's almost a moot point

because relationship stuff on this show is handled so freakin well that I would rather have a wrench thrown into a friendship than some random details about someone's life come suddenly into play

Molly: haha, it might also be that i can never keep track of what the hell is happening on the good wife anymore

i don't even remember why they forced Bond out, just that i was supposed to be happy when they did. so i was. the end.

me: also - regarding the kids - I don't mind that they're ugly because they're also savvy. and they're self-righteous in the way that teenagers actually are

Molly: ugh, I HATE THOSE KIDS

i hate zack more than grace, to be fair

zack is a turd

me: Zack is just kind of there. He's more of a vehicle for Becca scenes and race relations themes than an actual character

this season at least

and I don't mind that

Molly: well, maybe it's that i also think becca is the worst

and Zack's existence means she keeps showing up to be the worst

"Mister Goooooold, I can totally take you on.....OH WAIT I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M LIKE 12."

me: Oh, I like Becca. Although that girl is the lead in a new pilot so we may be saying goodbye

Molly: i think i don't like Becca because I don't GET her

the twitter? wanting to reenact the dad's sex tape?

girl, what is wrong with you, where are you parents

me: I just kind of assumed she wandered over from the set of SKINS

I never really thought of her as having parents

she just kind of hatched from some bitch-egg in the middle of the street

Molly: It might just be that Becca is one of my least favorite TV tropes

the teenage girl who, as you say, hatches from the bitch egg and is manipulative and hugely bitchy and is basically written as an adult woman

me: I like the way Becca--and the Ugly Twins--are also our way into the internet

which the show does so well

Molly: haha, grace getting spiritual guidance from youtube was hilarious to me

because i know it's real, but also: god, teenagers are lame

me: Teenagers ARE lame. That's kind of the show's point sometimes. At least with Grace. They're like, "Look, she's smart and basically a good person. But she's a teenager, so she's going to think that means everything she does is incredibly righteous and symbolic."

but then everyone's like, "Yeah, ok, Grace. Good for you. Have you put any anti-frizz in your hair lately? Something to think about."

Molly: The episode before hiatus where she accosted Alicia in the hallway and said "WHY DO YOU HATE JESUS? You either LOVE JESUS OR YOU HATE HIM, and I LOVE HIM, and also I THINK GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL."

and her poor mom is like ".....okay?"

ugh, that was so uncomfortable, i remember that so vividly from high school

me: exactly

me: also, loved the way Kalinda essentially set up Blake to be murdered by the drug dealer (maybe)

it was just so... I don't know, for some reason it made me think of Harriet the Spy.

But if Harriet got super clever and underhanded when she got older

and wore more leather

Molly: and yeah, so....the lawyer was the one having the affair with the wife, right?

me: yeah

and then Drug Dealer was like, Oh man, not a fan of that scenario.

Molly: okay, that's what i thought

me: so then the wife "accidentally" had an overdose

Molly: why would you ever cheat on a drug dealer?

wouldn't ten years of being a drug dealer's wife teach you better than that?

me: but it's ok because her son already knows the super-secret Sloppy Joe recipe so he can pretty much raise himself from here on out

Molly: the secret is brown sugar, actually

my stepmom taught me that

me: also: Will has a secret past

apparently he stole stuff!

(like office supplies from a sports show he worked on)

Molly: OH SNAP

me: or, like, Alicia's heart or whatever

Molly: i loved the look on josh charles's face in that scene

that look of "ugh, it'd be so much easier if i could just kill him"

me: I know. I would have paid $20 for a Christine Baranski ninja attack right then

or geez, at just any moment in my life in general

Molly: they were so great when they had a drink and waltzed in Will's office

"we are the perfect couple!"

"everything but the sex!"

me: (Also, Scott Porter's doing a good job and everything but I keep waiting for him to say "I can walk now.")
Molly: meeee too

me: yeah, Diane and Will are my favorite power couple

me: I kind of hope that, twenty years from now, there's a spinoff show where Diane and Will run a catering company and just snip at each other about plating techniques

Molly: so Party Down, then

me: but as like a gentle CBS Saturday night drama

like, I want them to be the new Dr. Quinn and Sully

and I can't believe I even remember that

Molly: no, i get it

Dr. Mike and Sully in a kitchen

me: and then there's a special episode where they really need liquid nitrogen

and Blais guest stars

Molly: aaron, i loved Dr. Quinn

Dr. Quinn was like my first TV love

me: that... doesn't surprise me at all

Molly: you never have to be ashamed of referencing Dr. Quinn with me

me: I wasn't ashamed

I was more just... surprised by myself

Molly: that show was nothing but glorious

though there was never quite enough sex in it for my taste

even as, like, a ten year old

me: I like that the very concept of the show was a huge anachronism

Molly: I honestly still feel like that must have been the most fun show in the world to write

I mean, leaving aside "oh, you don't know what the politics of the writers room were like"

or "maybe the showrunner was crazy"

me: who cares?

Molly: or all that other stupid shit we have no choice but to think about now

me: you got to make up PIONEER LIFE STUFF

Molly: like, honestly, how much fun would it be to be - EXACTLY

sit down at your desk and go "today I'm writing an episode where Dr. Quinn saves a toddler from a bear attack"

"today is the day of the big County Fair and Myra the Prostitute's pie is the best one but no one wants to give her the blue ribbon and she's sad"

me: I would have used the line, "_____ can actually be used to treat _____." all the time.

I would have just essentially made Mad Libs out of the whole show

Also, I would have sneaked in a scalping or two

just to keep the audience guessing

Molly: God, obviously

Jake The Barber, with the flowing blonde locks?

that bitch was begging to get scalped

i hated that guy

me: CBS could have done a great promotion for that. Like, "Which of these four characters do YOU think will get scalped on Saturday?"

and we could partner with Fantastic Sam's

Molly: i literally just LOLed

me: there should be an LLOL

for literally laughing out loud

since no one actually means "laughed out loud" with their "lol"

Molly: testify

Molly: @molltovcocktail Me: @aaronisthinking
If you want us to do this again, let us know. We enjoyed it. We may do it again anyway, no matter what you think!

2011 Oscar Predictions: The Will-Shoulds

Happy Golden Idol Sunday, everyone! Tonight, we bestow statues upon our various artistes de cinema. And before we do so, I gotta put in my two cents:

Best Picture
WILL WIN: Everyone's money is on The King's Speech. And, you know, smart move. It won the SAG, the PGA, and (INEXPLICABLY) the DGA. However, Social Network won pretty much every other pre-guild award possible. It's also been underreported, but this is one of the youngest voting bodies the Academy has ever had, and the youngsters will lean toward David Fincher's modern masterpiece. The King's Speech is the smart choice, but my gut, my personal preferences, and my desire to be a little contrary are making me pick The Social Network.
SHOULD WIN: The Social Network or 127 Hours.

Best Director
WILL WIN: So my fear here is that Tom Hooper will sweep in with his movie-of-the-week direction, but I think Fincher is so highly respected that he should be ok.
SHOULD WIN: David Fincher

Best Original Screenplay
WILL WIN: The King's Speech. Did you know it was written by a super-old guy? It's true!
SHOULD WIN: The Fighter. I'm not prone to picking a script with so many different writers on it, but of all the nominees, The Fighter is the most clever and soulful balance of character and plot with brilliant pacing and dialogue that stays honest and interesting.

Best Adapted Screenplay
WILL WIN: Sorkin/The Social Network. Duh.
SHOULD WIN: Sorkin/The Social Network. Super duh.

Best Actress
WILL WIN: Natalie Portman. The Academy loves rewarded pretty young women for playing emotionally and mentally fragile pretty young women.
SHOULD WIN: This is a pretty killer category. I think the performance that most blew me away was Jennifer Lawrence's, but how much of that is because I had no idea what to expect from her when I went into the theater? Ultimately, Annette Bening deserves it and, for the love of God, she's put in her time.

Best Actor
WILL WIN: Colin F-f-f-f-firth.
SHOULD WIN: Ryan Gosling. Oh, he's not nominated? Huh? Really? Oh, ok, then James Franco. (Although Jesse Eisenberg is a much more incredible actor than he gets credit for.)

Best Supporting Actress
WILL WIN: Melissa Leo. I know a lot of people think those ads she took out--where she essentially begged for an Oscar will displaying some cleavage--were tacky. And they were. But she'll still win.
SHOULD WIN: Amy Adams. She had a harder role than people realized--she had to be tough and seductive, but we weren't supposed to always be on her side--and she nailed it.

Best Supporting Actor
WILL WIN: Christian Bale. Without a doubt. But will he shave?!?!
SHOULD WIN: Christian Bale, although I kind of think he should have been in the lead category. Would love to see Renner get it for The Town, but it's Bale's and he ain't losing.

Best Editing
WILL WIN: The Social Network
SHOULD WIN: The Social Network, although for the first time in recent memory, there are some really outstanding nominees in this category (and Inception wasn't even nominated).

Animated Feature
WILL WIN: Toy Story 3.
SHOULD WIN: Toy Story 3, unless you LACK THE CAPACITY TO FEEL.

Art Direction
WILL WIN: Alice in Wonderland. Fantasy stuff tends to win this category.
SHOULD WIN: Inception. Every dream level was a beautifully rendered world unto itself.

Original Score
WILL WIN: The Social Network. And if The King's Speech wins, I will... well, I probably wouldn't do anything drastic, but I would be super-disappointed. It's all Beethoven and Mozart, people!!
SHOULD WIN: The Social Network or Inception.

Sound Editing and Sound Mixing
WILL WIN: Inception.
SHOULD WIN: Inception. Last time I found a movie so sonically impressive was... Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight.

Visual Effects
WILL WIN: Inception.
SHOULD WIN: Inception.

Costumes
WILL WIN: Alice in Wonderland. Fantasy stuff.
SHOULD WIN: True Grit. So many more textures to work with, and every look--especially the hats--really helped define the characters for the audience.

Cinematography
WILL WIN: True Grit. Deakins FTW! (Finally)
SHOULD WIN: Inception. Again, the cinematography helped create and define the dream worlds. It wonderfully straddled the line between high art and highly commercial.

In the other categories, I haven't seen all the nominees so I can't really jump in with the "shoulds." But Documentary will go to Inside Job (they politically conscious stuff; sorry, Banksy!), Make-up will go to The Wolfman, and for the shorts, let's go with The Gruffalo, Na Wewe, and Killing in the Name.

Alright, people. Enjoy and show and we'll meet up here afterward.