Me & Molly Recap: Top Chef, The Good Wife, and Memories of Dr. Quinn

Me and Molly discuss television. Like so:

Molly: OH MY GOD TOP CHEF DESTROYED ME LAST NIGHT

f**k you in the EAR, mike isabella

me: I KNOW

I mean, I'm not so crazy that I can't admit that Antonia hasn't been cooking at her 100% awesomeness level while in the Bahamas

Molly: Agreed

me: and that Mike kinda has

Molly: but STILL

me: but I mean, DAMN

an Antonia and Blais finale would have been so much more satisfying

Molly: agreeeeed
ugh, who would have thought that of all people Mike Isabella would actually have a chance at taking this ting

me: the thing is: he won't take this thing

Molly: i mean, i'm rooting for Blais, obv

me: yeah, because we also rooted for THE ALLIES IN WORLD WAR 2

OF COURSE WE'RE ROOTING FOR BLAIS

Molly: but...i'm also not because blais has been a total psychopants
me: yeah, I kind of want to know what it's like in the Blais household though when he loses at Go Fish

Molly: right? i feel like he totally wears that weird thigh-spike thing the albino monk wore in da vinci code

"I've failed. I'm a failure. I hate every card I played."

me: Also, I can way too easily picture his wife beating him

like, with a paddle

Molly: omg. she was SCARY in that episode, right?

me: yeah, he was like, "She's a soccer player and a total athlete" but all I heard was "She's a soccer player and OMG LASERS SHOOT FROM HER EYES"

Molly: when she was giving him the rundown on what all the judges said about his food

she had that look in her eyes like a prize fighter's trainer who is PISSED that her boxer is not living up to his potential

me: You're totally right. She should have played the Zellweger part in Cinderella Man. Instant Oscar!

Although it she had played Bridget Jones, the Diary would have just been a list of "daily missions" and would have all been "accomplished" by the end of the day
Molly: 1. Lose 20 pounds.

three hours later: done

me: My greater concern, now, is how much of a role the "sous chefs of failure" play in the finale dishes

Molly: augh, yeah

did someone actually pick marcel?

because it appeared from the preview that someone picked marcel

me: I think someone "gets" Marcel

Molly: Blais, you can't be that stupid

me: I think Marcel ends up on someone's team, like in a fat kid playing dodgeball way

(I bet Blais' wife can kill someone with only a dodgeball)

Molly: Ugh. She really was scary. That woman unnerved me.

Pregnancy clearly made her angrier.

me: "Honey, can you pick me up ice cream and pickles? And a human limb I don't care where you get it? Thanks"

Also, I know they're in the Bahamas, but I'm really sick of everyone using coconut

and I love coconut

Molly: agreed on both counts

also, i was pretty disappointed in both the women last week

all "i've never cooked with conch!"

really?

you know the finale's going to be in the Bahamas and it's for 200k and it doesn't occur to you "maybe i should go pick up some conch and see what i can do with it before the inevitable challenge where I have to do something with it?"

me: yeah, it's like people going on Survivor and having no idea how to make fire

Molly: it's just frustrating!
why do i, the viewier, understand that this is something you need to do but you don't!

me: especially because MIKE PRACTICED

and he's, like, only semi-literate or something

I can all too easily picture him coloring in a sudoku with a crayon

Molly: oh, not to jump subjects, because top chef is agonizing and we could talk about it for hours

but did you seee this week's Good Wife

me: does Chris Brown hate windows?

Molly: ....i don't know

me: (he does)

Molly: were you kind of disappointed that Kalinda's secret is that she slept with Peter?

(between you and me, Kalinda is honestly like my least favorite character on the show, though)

(other than the florrick kids. screw those kids. they're ugly and dumb, and in this world, you can be one, but not the other.)

me: Oh man, I have to disagree with you on like every count.
Molly: Good! DEBATE!

me: I liked that that was the secret, because it raises a lot of interesting questions about the circumstances

...especially because I am still not ready to forgive Chris Noth

Molly: for existing?

me: and I like that we got reminded that the shadows of his sins still hang over the family

Molly: i mean, i do think that's going to be the thing that drives alicia to finally file for divorce

and i also like it that i can very easily see kalinda sleeping with a married man and being all "yeah? so?" about it

and i REALLY like it that the thing she's been so freaked out about is losing Alicia's friendship

me: yeah, exactly. and it really seems like the sex was a really awesome thank you card for him helping to change her name

Molly: yeah, i think i just wanted to know more about the name change and the circumstances surrounding that

me: yeah, I mean there's more there. certainly.

but I like that it's almost a moot point

because relationship stuff on this show is handled so freakin well that I would rather have a wrench thrown into a friendship than some random details about someone's life come suddenly into play

Molly: haha, it might also be that i can never keep track of what the hell is happening on the good wife anymore

i don't even remember why they forced Bond out, just that i was supposed to be happy when they did. so i was. the end.

me: also - regarding the kids - I don't mind that they're ugly because they're also savvy. and they're self-righteous in the way that teenagers actually are

Molly: ugh, I HATE THOSE KIDS

i hate zack more than grace, to be fair

zack is a turd

me: Zack is just kind of there. He's more of a vehicle for Becca scenes and race relations themes than an actual character

this season at least

and I don't mind that

Molly: well, maybe it's that i also think becca is the worst

and Zack's existence means she keeps showing up to be the worst

"Mister Goooooold, I can totally take you on.....OH WAIT I CAN'T BECAUSE I'M LIKE 12."

me: Oh, I like Becca. Although that girl is the lead in a new pilot so we may be saying goodbye

Molly: i think i don't like Becca because I don't GET her

the twitter? wanting to reenact the dad's sex tape?

girl, what is wrong with you, where are you parents

me: I just kind of assumed she wandered over from the set of SKINS

I never really thought of her as having parents

she just kind of hatched from some bitch-egg in the middle of the street

Molly: It might just be that Becca is one of my least favorite TV tropes

the teenage girl who, as you say, hatches from the bitch egg and is manipulative and hugely bitchy and is basically written as an adult woman

me: I like the way Becca--and the Ugly Twins--are also our way into the internet

which the show does so well

Molly: haha, grace getting spiritual guidance from youtube was hilarious to me

because i know it's real, but also: god, teenagers are lame

me: Teenagers ARE lame. That's kind of the show's point sometimes. At least with Grace. They're like, "Look, she's smart and basically a good person. But she's a teenager, so she's going to think that means everything she does is incredibly righteous and symbolic."

but then everyone's like, "Yeah, ok, Grace. Good for you. Have you put any anti-frizz in your hair lately? Something to think about."

Molly: The episode before hiatus where she accosted Alicia in the hallway and said "WHY DO YOU HATE JESUS? You either LOVE JESUS OR YOU HATE HIM, and I LOVE HIM, and also I THINK GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL."

and her poor mom is like ".....okay?"

ugh, that was so uncomfortable, i remember that so vividly from high school

me: exactly

me: also, loved the way Kalinda essentially set up Blake to be murdered by the drug dealer (maybe)

it was just so... I don't know, for some reason it made me think of Harriet the Spy.

But if Harriet got super clever and underhanded when she got older

and wore more leather

Molly: and yeah, so....the lawyer was the one having the affair with the wife, right?

me: yeah

and then Drug Dealer was like, Oh man, not a fan of that scenario.

Molly: okay, that's what i thought

me: so then the wife "accidentally" had an overdose

Molly: why would you ever cheat on a drug dealer?

wouldn't ten years of being a drug dealer's wife teach you better than that?

me: but it's ok because her son already knows the super-secret Sloppy Joe recipe so he can pretty much raise himself from here on out

Molly: the secret is brown sugar, actually

my stepmom taught me that

me: also: Will has a secret past

apparently he stole stuff!

(like office supplies from a sports show he worked on)

Molly: OH SNAP

me: or, like, Alicia's heart or whatever

Molly: i loved the look on josh charles's face in that scene

that look of "ugh, it'd be so much easier if i could just kill him"

me: I know. I would have paid $20 for a Christine Baranski ninja attack right then

or geez, at just any moment in my life in general

Molly: they were so great when they had a drink and waltzed in Will's office

"we are the perfect couple!"

"everything but the sex!"

me: (Also, Scott Porter's doing a good job and everything but I keep waiting for him to say "I can walk now.")
Molly: meeee too

me: yeah, Diane and Will are my favorite power couple

me: I kind of hope that, twenty years from now, there's a spinoff show where Diane and Will run a catering company and just snip at each other about plating techniques

Molly: so Party Down, then

me: but as like a gentle CBS Saturday night drama

like, I want them to be the new Dr. Quinn and Sully

and I can't believe I even remember that

Molly: no, i get it

Dr. Mike and Sully in a kitchen

me: and then there's a special episode where they really need liquid nitrogen

and Blais guest stars

Molly: aaron, i loved Dr. Quinn

Dr. Quinn was like my first TV love

me: that... doesn't surprise me at all

Molly: you never have to be ashamed of referencing Dr. Quinn with me

me: I wasn't ashamed

I was more just... surprised by myself

Molly: that show was nothing but glorious

though there was never quite enough sex in it for my taste

even as, like, a ten year old

me: I like that the very concept of the show was a huge anachronism

Molly: I honestly still feel like that must have been the most fun show in the world to write

I mean, leaving aside "oh, you don't know what the politics of the writers room were like"

or "maybe the showrunner was crazy"

me: who cares?

Molly: or all that other stupid shit we have no choice but to think about now

me: you got to make up PIONEER LIFE STUFF

Molly: like, honestly, how much fun would it be to be - EXACTLY

sit down at your desk and go "today I'm writing an episode where Dr. Quinn saves a toddler from a bear attack"

"today is the day of the big County Fair and Myra the Prostitute's pie is the best one but no one wants to give her the blue ribbon and she's sad"

me: I would have used the line, "_____ can actually be used to treat _____." all the time.

I would have just essentially made Mad Libs out of the whole show

Also, I would have sneaked in a scalping or two

just to keep the audience guessing

Molly: God, obviously

Jake The Barber, with the flowing blonde locks?

that bitch was begging to get scalped

i hated that guy

me: CBS could have done a great promotion for that. Like, "Which of these four characters do YOU think will get scalped on Saturday?"

and we could partner with Fantastic Sam's

Molly: i literally just LOLed

me: there should be an LLOL

for literally laughing out loud

since no one actually means "laughed out loud" with their "lol"

Molly: testify

Molly: @molltovcocktail Me: @aaronisthinking
If you want us to do this again, let us know. We enjoyed it. We may do it again anyway, no matter what you think!